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Now that that's out of the way. Welcome to my page dedicated to my ramblings about selfship/yume/ficto! I consider myself ficto before any of the other labels commonly used for this level of dedication/attraction, but if you don't understand it that's fine and you can call it whatever you want! You can even just straight up call me crazy if you want. I don't really care. To me, fictosexuality is a lot more than just liking a fictional character. I think there's a lot that goes on mentally here. I have a partner and I am able to experience human attraction, but there's just this deep cellular disconnect I feel from most people who experience attraction normally. I've pondered being asexual and I don't think that's what I fall under- I just don't experience things the same as everyone else!

Now, here's where it gets a little crazier. It may even border on delusion. You can speculate all you want. I am almost 100% certain this comes primarily from being autistic and feeling disconnected from people as a general conglomerate. I think and have found that a lot of people who are ficto-aligned in some way are also mentally ill and/or neurodivergent. Basically this is how my brain works, and you're not changing my mind. I feel deeply and almost spiritually connected to Ivan from Alien Stage. There's this recognition of the self in the other, the feeling that our souls are made out of the same material. I've known you, you've known me! You're just Ivan now!

I consider myself nonsharing because to me Ivan is like my wife. That's my wife!!! You can like my wife as a person but that's my wife. My partner is also very supportive of my little freak behavior, he's even drawn me pictures of Ivan...! I think having a character be this big of a comfort to you can be both highly beneficial and harmful if done in certain ways. My love for Ivan gives me motivation to do things that couldn't be fueled by other means. I try new things because of Ivan. I talk to new people because of Ivan. I draw more because of Ivan. I can tell my therapist how Ivan helps me. All of this is positive! However, I think some people can let their adoration get in the way of their lives away from screens/2D and I mean this in the nicest way possible from one crazy bitch to another. If your love is harming your ability to form natural human connections, then you might want to do some reflecting. It's sort of like a hyperfixation or special interest, if you forget to eat and don't talk to anyone because of it, that's where you might need to consider the bigger picture. Whatever. Let's get back to the fun stuff.


Ivan Strawpage

I met Ivan while scrolling aimlessly on twitter one day in 2023. I think it was when Black Sorrow first aired and I was like "Wow! I can't watch this, this guy would ruin my life!" LOL. Well. Not exactly. Oh boy you had no idea. I bookmarked the tweet and said I'd save it for later. *LOUD OMINOUS MUSIC* Then about a week later I went and watched Alien Stage, and it was so over. It's not even funny how over it was. I cried, I flipped the fuck out, I started following KR accounts to translate their tweets. I had already been following VIVINOS since PINK BITCH CLUB, so I was like 'Oh, I know what I'm getting into...' I did not.